Supporting Someone Who is Grieving? Here are a few Do’s and Don’ts of grief support:

DO’S

  • Express your condolences. A simple, sincere “I’m so sorry for your loss,” a soft hand on their shoulder and/or a caring hug are usually perfect.
  • Be present. Stay in touch even when others begin to disappear.
  • Show you genuinely care through kind words and actions. It’s OK to also show them you care with your tears of sorrow.
  • Be a safe harbor for them to express their feelings. Allow them to grieve without fear of being judged, analyzed, fixed, cured, saved or healed.
  • Listen patiently and ask them open-ended questions to see how they’re doing, what they need and/or how you can be helpful
  • Give them multiple choices of things you’d like to do to help. This way, they’ll know you’re serious. Listen intently, and follow through on what they ask.
  • Give the grieving person every opportunity to talk about the person who died. If given the chance, tell stories acknowledging their life, special qualities they possessed and their loving relationship with your co-worker.
  • Ask them how they would like your support on special dates like their birthday, their “angel-versary” (day of their passing) or holidays.
  • Show genuine concern, kindness, understanding, patience, empathy and compassion. A time to put your ego on the shelf and be of service to them.
  • Stay humble, flexible, relaxed and at ease when you’re with them.
  • Assist them in getting the grief support they need, including professional help from a grief counselor or coach – or a psychiatrist — if necessary.
  • Let them ease their way back to work, a few hours at a time until they can handle longer stretches of sustained activity. Taking a “leave of absence” may be necessary.
  • Set up a “back up” or “buddy” system at work in case they have a meltdown or need to step back from work during the first year.
  • Invite them (without the least bit of pressure) to join you for lunch, coffee or a walk during a lunch break.

DON’T’S

  • Don’t assume you know how they feel — or what they want.