Twenty years ago, I developed a program for “Living Losses” – a grief we feel where there is not a physical death, but a significant loss nonetheless. A living loss could be for missing or estranged children, family or friends lost to drug or alcohol addiction, a divorce, debilitating accident, illness or disability. It could also be for the loss of a home, a job, a passing season of life or a sense of normalcy – as we are all facing in the time of COVID-19.

These losses can be so paralyzing that they derail our lives. Or they can become a source of newfound strength, faith, courage and resilience. What can those of us who are suffering from living losses do to become the better version of ourselves? Help our loved ones? And discern what, if anything, we can do to salvage their future?

Here are some things we can do to take care of ourselves, “process” our grief, remove ourselves from the torture chamber of guilt and summon the strength we need to adjust to a completely unfamiliar new normal — or to fight our way back into our lives.

  1. Become Your Own Best Supporter

You are grieving! Having suffered a terrible loss, your world has been turned inside out and upside down. Standing in the ashes of your “old normal,” you’re likely feeling lost and scared. Worried about yourself and not sure how to go forward, your mind is in search mode as you’re trying to lessen the pain and anguish. This is a time when people can become their own worst critic, shaming and faulting themselves for being so “screwed up,” or their own best friend, patiently supporting, encouraging, assuring and bolstering themselves with kindness and understanding.

  1. Surround Yourself with Loving Support

Trusted confidants who can listen without judgement, provide actual support and stand by you patiently as you explore the “new normal” are an essential part of healing after loss. Avoid people who offer unsolicited advice, put a psychological or religious spin on everything and try to “figure out, fix and rescue you from your sorrow. The people with whom it is safe to vent your feelings are the best.

  1. Find Peer-Support and Education from Folks in Your New Tribe

Resources exist in most of our communities for peer support and education. These resources now exist online as well. Support groups directly address the inner and outer challenges of living losses described above offer resource and information-sharing, experiential learning and community advocacy.

You will quickly learn that you’re not alone! We all have much to learn about living with and promoting the kinds of things that reduce and/or prevent them. There are devoted, knowledgeable experts in almost every community whose support can be invaluable. But we also have one another. Peer support and education can make all the difference. Or, as I like to say, “Hope Loves Company.”